{"id":1162,"date":"2023-11-09T12:25:00","date_gmt":"2023-11-09T12:25:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/reconnecttherapy.gr\/?p=1162"},"modified":"2023-11-09T12:25:00","modified_gmt":"2023-11-09T12:25:00","slug":"oti-dineis-pairneis-ochi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/zen-yalow.213-158-90-34.plesk.page\/en\/oti-dineis-pairneis-ochi\/","title":{"rendered":"What you give is what you get (or is it?)"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Do you believe that you get back whatever you give?;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Do you believe that the more you offer in a relationship, the more you will receive? Do you believe that the better you treat other people, the better they will treat you in return?; Let's explore together if, when and where it might be true that there is justice in our world, especially when it comes to give and take.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Many years ago, when I was practising as a physiotherapist, I had the pleasure of meeting a very pleasant and intelligent Catholic priest as a patient. Over 15 years may have passed and I don't even remember his face, but I remember our conversations very well, and especially one chat we had just before he left the physiotherapy clinic. Our very interesting conversation, which piqued my curiosity about the phenomenon of life, ended with this remark: \u201dPhilippos, do you believe that the more good you do, the more good you will find? I don't believe that, in fact I believe the opposite: the more good you do, the more bad you find...\u201d.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

            His words were the first stimulus that would help me question one of my certainties up to that point regarding the idea that the world is fair.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Every day in the eyes of people undergoing psychotherapy I see a deep grievance which, when put into words, sounds something like this: \u201dwell, since I've given my whole life, how can they not listen to me, how can they not take care of me too?\u201d.<\/u><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Of course you may have given your whole life to your partner, but they probably didn't ask you to sacrifice yourself! Most likely, you looked after everything except what was most important to him or her. Of course, that's another matter...<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            The more you believe that the world is fair and that what you will get has to do with what you give (do good and you'll find good), the more you get hurt by the trap you have<\/u> set for your very<\/u><\/strong> own self<\/u><\/strong>. You focus on offering and being a doormat, rather than focusing on receiving. It's like feeling that your bladder is about to burst and you urgently need the toilet, while obsessively suggesting to the other person over and over again if they want the toilet. Of course, only you know how much your bladder is suffering, just as only you know what it is you need \u2013 and therefore whom you should ask for it. It might seem like a simplistic example, but the exact same thing happens with our emotions. Only we know \u2013 even if we don't realise it \u2013 what our own need is through how we feel at any given moment.<\/u><\/strong> So the more clearly we realise what our own need is, the more we can take responsibility to express it in the right way, to the right person at the right time. Therefore, I would go on to say that the remedy for the inevitable disappointment of your expectations and that grievance which says: \u201cwell I've done so much and I get nothing back\u201d is to process within yourself that you get not what you give, but what you ask for. <\/strong>In the diagram below I illustrate the torturous, vicious, exhausting cycle of believing that what you give is what you get. This cycle is also at the heart of relationship therapy. Of course, I am not describing it so that we feel even more frustrated, but so that we can focus on finding a way out of it (see EXIT).<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 My analytical train of thought, which often torments me, compels me at this moment to analyse a little further the roots of this false belief that whatever we get we deserve because of what we gave. As human beings, we find it very difficult to endure pain and the inexplicable in a world that seems far too harsh to us. It is hard for us to accept that humans can also be bad, aggressive, and commit crimes.<\/em><\/strong> We find it hard to accept that people make mistakes, and sometimes tragic and irreparable ones. Our minds cannot comprehend how people can kill each other, how children can be raped and killed. In order to manage the unmanageable, the huge conflict that arises within us between our good and bad sides, we easily create theories to ease our pain. <\/strong>It is much easier to tell a homeless person \u201cyou've made your bed, now lie in it\u201d than to take responsibility and offer them even half a smile. The internal conflict is so great that the idea of a just world was expressed through many religions and was heard and passed down with reverence into the consciousness of believers. How else could the very deep need of many people for an almighty, just parent (-God) whom they never had be met? If you are interested further \u2013 it has been studied by psychology for decades and it is known as the just-world fallacy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

            What shocked me from my conversation with the Catholic priest was how a \u201cman of God\u201d could believe such a thing. Thank you wherever you are, because after years I managed to synthesise the information you offered me within myself in a beneficial way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u039f\u03bb\u03bf\u03ba\u03bb\u03b7\u03c1\u03ce\u03bd\u03bf\u03bd\u03c4\u03b1\u03c2 \u03c4\u03bf \u03ac\u03c1\u03b8\u03c1\u03bf \u03b8\u03ad\u03bb\u03c9 \u03bd\u03b1 \u03c5\u03c0\u03bf\u03b3\u03c1\u03b1\u03bc\u03bc\u03af\u03c3\u03c9 \u03b4\u03cd\u03bf \u03c0\u03bf\u03bb\u03cd \u03c3\u03b7\u03bc\u03b1\u03bd\u03c4\u03b9\u03ba\u03ac \u03c3\u03b7\u03bc\u03b5\u03af\u03b1.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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  1. \u0394\u03b5\u03bd \u03c5\u03c0\u03bf\u03c3\u03c4\u03b7\u03c1\u03af\u03b6\u03c9 \u03c3\u03b5 \u03ba\u03b1\u03bc\u03af\u03b1 \u03c0\u03b5\u03c1\u03af\u03c0\u03c4\u03c9\u03c3\u03b7 \u03c0\u03c9\u03c2 \u03b4\u03b5\u03bd \u03b5\u03af\u03bd\u03b1\u03b9 \u03b2\u03bf\u03b7\u03b8\u03b7\u03c4\u03b9\u03ba\u03cc \u03b3\u03b9\u03b1 \u03bc\u03b1\u03c2 \u03c4\u03bf\u03c5\u03c2 \u03af\u03b4\u03b9\u03bf\u03c5\u03c2, \u03b3\u03b9\u03b1 \u03c4\u03b7\u03bd \u03c3\u03c7\u03ad\u03c3\u03b7 \u03bc\u03b1\u03c2 \u03ba\u03b1\u03b9 \u03b3\u03b9\u03b1 \u03c4\u03bf\u03bd \u03ba\u03cc\u03c3\u03bc\u03bf \u03bf\u03bb\u03cc\u03ba\u03bb\u03b7\u03c1\u03bf \u03bd\u03b1 \u03c0\u03bf\u03c1\u03b5\u03c5\u03cc\u03bc\u03b1\u03c3\u03c4\u03b5 \u03c3\u03c4\u03b7 \u03b6\u03c9\u03ae \u03bc\u03b5 \u03c4\u03b7\u03bd \u03b1\u03be\u03af\u03b1 \u03c4\u03b7\u03c2 \u03c0\u03c1\u03bf\u03c3\u03c6\u03bf\u03c1\u03ac\u03c2 \u03ba\u03b1\u03b9 \u03c4\u03b7\u03c2 \u03b1\u03bb\u03bb\u03b7\u03bb\u03b5\u03b3\u03b3\u03cd\u03b7\u03c2. \u0386\u03bb\u03bb\u03c9\u03c3\u03c4\u03b5 \u03b5\u03af\u03bd\u03b1\u03b9 \u03bf\u03b9 \u03b1\u03be\u03af\u03b5\u03c2 \u03c0\u03bf\u03c5 \u03c5\u03c0\u03b7\u03c1\u03b5\u03c4\u03ce \u03c0\u03b9\u03c3\u03c4\u03ac \u03b5\u03b4\u03ce \u03ba\u03b1\u03b9 \u03c7\u03c1\u03cc\u03bd\u03b9\u03b1. \u03a0\u03b1\u03af\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03b9\u03c2 \u03cc\u03c7\u03b9 \u03b1\u03c5\u03c4\u03cc \u03c0\u03bf\u03c5 \u03b4\u03af\u03bd\u03b5\u03b9\u03c2 \u03b1\u03bb\u03bb\u03ac \u03b1\u03c5\u03c4\u03cc \u03c0\u03bf\u03c5 \u03b6\u03b7\u03c4\u03ac\u03c2. \u03a3\u03c4\u03bf \u03c0\u03b1\u03c1\u03b1\u03ba\u03ac\u03c4\u03c9 \u03c3\u03c7\u03ae\u03bc\u03b1 \u03b1\u03c0\u03b5\u03b9\u03ba\u03bf\u03bd\u03af\u03b6\u03c9 \u03c4\u03bf\u03bd \u03b2\u03b1\u03c3\u03b1\u03bd\u03b9\u03c3\u03c4\u03b9\u03ba\u03cc, \u03c6\u03b1\u03cd\u03bb\u03bf, \u03b5\u03be\u03b1\u03bd\u03c4\u03bb\u03b7\u03c4\u03b9\u03ba\u03cc \u03ba\u03cd\u03ba\u03bb\u03bf \u03c4\u03bf\u03c5 \u03bd\u03b1 \u03c0\u03b9\u03c3\u03c4\u03b5\u03cd\u03b5\u03b9 \u03c0\u03c1\u03bf\u03c3\u03c6\u03ad\u03c1\u03bf\u03c5\u03bd \u03ba\u03b1\u03b9 \u03b1\u03c5\u03c4\u03bf\u03af \u03b5\u03af\u03bd\u03b1\u03b9 \u03c0\u03b5\u03c1\u03b9\u03c3\u03c3\u03cc\u03c4\u03b5\u03c1\u03b5\u03c2. \u0391\u03c0\u03cc \u03ad\u03bd\u03b1\u03bd \u03ac\u03bb\u03bb\u03bf\u03bd \u03b9\u03b5\u03c1\u03ad\u03b1 \u03b5\u03af\u03c7\u03b1 \u03b1\u03ba\u03bf\u03cd\u03c3\u03b5\u03b9 \u03c0\u03ce\u03c2 \u03bf \u03a7\u03c1\u03b9\u03c3\u03c4\u03cc\u03c2 \u03b5\u03af\u03c7\u03b5 \u03c0\u03b5\u03b9: \u201c\u03b1\u03b3\u03ac\u03c0\u03b1 \u03c4\u03bf\u03bd \u03c0\u03bb\u03b7\u03c3\u03af\u03bf\u03bd \u03c3\u03bf\u03c5 \u03c9\u03c2 \u03c3\u2019\u03b5\u03b1\u03c5\u03c4\u03cc\u03bd\u201d . \u0397 \u03c0\u03c1\u03cc\u03c4\u03b1\u03c3\u03ae \u03bc\u03bf\u03c5 \u03bb\u03bf\u03b9\u03c0\u03cc\u03bd \u03b5\u03af\u03bd\u03b1\u03b9 \u03bd\u03b1  \u03b4\u03bf\u03ba\u03b9\u03bc\u03ac\u03c3\u03b5\u03b9\u03c2 \u03bd\u03b1 \u03b1\u03b3\u03b1\u03c0\u03ac\u03c2 \u03ba\u03b1\u03b9 \u03bd\u03b1 \u03c6\u03c1\u03bf\u03bd\u03c4\u03af\u03b6\u03b5\u03b9\u03c2 \u03c4\u03bf\u03c5\u03c2 \u03ac\u03bb\u03bb\u03bf\u03c5\u03c2 \u039a\u0391\u0399 \u03bd\u03b1 \u03c6\u03c1\u03bf\u03bd\u03c4\u03af\u03b6\u03b5\u03b9\u03c2 \u03c4\u03bf\u03bd \u03b5\u03b1\u03c5\u03c4\u03cc \u03c3\u03bf\u03c5.<\/strong><\/li>\n\n\n\n
  2. \u0394\u03b5\u03bd \u03c0\u03b1\u03af\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03b9\u03c2 \u03cc,\u03c4\u03b9 \u03b4\u03af\u03bd\u03b5\u03b9\u03c2, \u03c0\u03b1\u03af\u03c1\u03bd\u03b5\u03b9\u03c2 \u03cc,\u03c4\u03b9 \u03b6\u03b7\u03c4\u03ac\u03c2<\/u><\/strong>.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n\n\n\n
    \"\"<\/figure>\n\n
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