Arguments and conflicts are something we do not like, but sometimes they turn out to be inevitable for many reasons. Essentially, change follows a conflict. Therefore, disagreement and fighting may well be a precursor to a desired change. After all, how could we avoid conflicting when we are all unique and perceive the world and reality in our own unique way.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The place where we grew up, our social context, our family and our country shape our moral values and our beliefs about how the world works and how we perceive the people around us. We encounter conflicts especially in what are described as \u00abclose\u00bb relationships, which mainly refer to family relationships, couple relationships as well as the parent-child relationship. We could liken a conflict to the moment someone throws a pebble onto the calm surface of a lake. Afterwards, we observe disturbances in the water which decrease over time and balance is restored on the water's surface.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let's look at what disrupts the calm surface of the water, let's also see how we can stop throwing pebbles into the water, as well as the ways in which we can quickly and effectively restore former balance and peace. Every conflict has certain characteristics. In short, these characteristics are as follows:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What can I do?;<\/strong> In what ways do we react to a conflict?;<\/p>\n\n\n\n There are two ways of dealing with conflict. The first is to avoid solving the problem, i.e., to avoid the conflict, and the second is to get involved in the conflict.<\/p>\n\n\n\n The first way, namely avoiding the conflict, is very common but not productive because it does not help the well-being of the relationship. I want to emphasise here that since a conflict exists, there is certainly a serious issue that wants to be revealed. Every conflict is a way for us to better recognise ourselves and the person opposite us. No relationship remains stagnant. Therefore, changes are very likely to bring up conflicts. The question is not whether we will have conflicts or not, but how we will manage them, because conflicts will always exist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n When we get involved in conflict, our goal is to move from the stage of tension and the use of physical or psychological violence to the stage of dialogue in calm tones so that both members try to make a joint decision. So let's ask ourselves when we are on the verge of conflict:<\/p>\n\n\n\n Why do I want to conflict?; These questions open up a dialogue with our inner self and we begin to receive answers that develop us and help us gain self-awareness. Perhaps we should also ask ourselves why we fear conflict. If I conflict with my partner, for example, what will I lose? Will something bad happen? Am I afraid they might pull away? Am I afraid I won't be liked? Am I ultimately afraid of rejection?;<\/p>\n\n\n\n The use of psychological violence and the attempt to manipulate our interlocutor builds hard and high walls between us. It is not a choice. Perhaps for something unexpected and serious it might be, but only to begin with.<\/p>\n\n\n\n We will now focus on the desired outcome. Since our goal is neither to avoid conflict nor to engage in it with inflexibility and intensity, what is the most efficient way to manage a conflict? Below I outline the \u00abrules\u00bb for handling conflict:<\/p>\n\n\n\n When the above mindset influences both conversational partners, then every conflict can offer its gifts to every relationship.<\/p>\n\n
Is some need of mine being suppressed?;
How do I feel about this?;
Am I accumulating feelings that I am not expressing to my partner?;
Are my values being violated?;
All the above questions come down to one fundamental one
What is the deeper meaning of the conflict?;<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n