Why three stages in the journey of reconnection?;
I must confess that one of the greatest gifts life has given me is my “obsession” with learning about it, studying it, and developing as much as possible both emotionally and intellectually.
The word obsession that I use is deliberate, and of course, just as all our positive inclinations and talents are rooted in our deficiencies and traumas, so too is this “obsession” of mine to grow rooted in my need to develop those parts of me that were deprived of emotional care and remained immature.
Nowadays, as much as I can realise, I have healed enough of my wounds that this ’obsession“ of mine with learning is no longer driven and motivated by pain, but rather by enjoyment and curiosity for the phenomenon of life.
Consequently, I have striven to come into contact with knowledge through universities, schools, seminars, therapists, trainers, supervisors, and teachers, and to find answers to pivotal questions such as: “Why do people do what they do?”, “How can someone be helped to heal their wounds and flourish?”, “What can they do differently in order to live a happy life?”.
My engagement with the complex phenomenon of the human psyche on multiple levels (psychology, cognitive analytic psychotherapy, body-oriented gestalt psychotherapy, systemic psychotherapy, group psychotherapy, couples psychotherapy, coaching, neuro-linguistic programming, adult education, physiotherapy, behaviourism, esotericism...) created and continues to create a chaos of information, which I am constantly called upon to organise and synthesise so that I can create a novel therapy tailored to each individual client.
Part of this effort to synthesise all these levels are the “Three steps of reconnection”.
Every word you will read below hides behind it numerous theories, which were championed decades ago by giants of thought, so that today we have the opportunity to reap the fruits of their seeds.
My role is to create a digestible yet therapeutically effective synthesis of all these theories and researches, and to contribute with humility, in my own field, to the highly demanding task of today's era: managing ever-increasing information.
These three steps are not linear; they constantly overlap, which makes the journey even more fascinating in all its complexity!
Why a Journey?;
I compare therapy and personal development in general to a journey because I believe they share many similarities. In both cases, we start with a decision about the destination we wish to reach. Something is missing at the beginning, and we expect to encounter it along our way.
The therapeutic journey is internal and solitary, yet it has fellow travellers, whether we realise it or not. Aside from the therapist and fellow clients in the case of group psychotherapy, these travel companions include our friends, our partners, and every single person we “encounter”...
And while we are all fellow travellers on the grand journey of life, sometimes we become companions on smaller journeys with a beginning, middle, and end. Some people will accompany us for brief periods of our lives until we take and give whatever we and they need, others will appear like comets, and others will remain with us for a lifetime on this journey.
This journey is not just one; there are many (!) Many cycles open in life and close only for the next ones to begin.
On a neurobiological level, every time the brain creates a new and powerful neural network and detaches from the exclusive operation of the old one, a person feels deep grief over this major change and experiences feelings of uncertainty about the new possibilities opening up before them. This lasts until the new normal is established, they feel secure, and they weigh anchor for the next journey!
This is why the three stages of the reconnection journey repeat themselves over and over again, working cumulatively to create an upward spiral helix of evolution.
Finally, the journey of reconnection has no end; it is a lifelong journey. I believe that everything we do is done in order to get back in touch with our forgotten parts and reconnect with them.
Caution! Lest I be misunderstood, this journey is not the same for everyone; each person starts from their own starting point, and we owe absolute respect to that.
I particularly admire those who have the courage to start from the very bottom, where few can find hope and see the light. It is remarkable when someone starts from the foothills of the mountain and reaches the summit...
Why Reconnection?;
No human being ever begins the journey of life disconnected from their senses, from the deepest core of their existence, from their desires.
While who we are today may have to do with what happened yesterday, 10 years ago, when we were embryos in our mother's womb, before we were even born in previous generations, or millions of years before our birth, nevertheless we all have a core piece of “pure self” within us.
Reconnection concerns this part of our authentic self, and the goal of psychotherapy is to heal the psychological wounds that deprive us of experiencing the “here and now”, transporting us to the traumatic “there and then” without being in touch with our authentic desire.
This is what Carl Rogers observed when listening to his clients express that they had lost themselves and felt the need to find themselves again. They may not have known what they had lost, but deep down they felt that something was missing...
The First Station: Heal-Recover (Relationship With Self)
At the first station, a person comes into contact with their deepest existential fears. They struggle within themselves to understand whether it is their fault or other people's, and they do not yet know that no one is to blame… slowly they come into contact with their emotions and realise what it is that hurts them, learning to say no.
Whereas previously someone could stab them in the back and they would smile, now they feel the pain of the stab wound and, when someone approaches them, they protect themselves. They touch their deepest wounds and realise how unconscious traumas affect their life today.
Intense feelings of anxiety, fear, and panic rob them of the joy of existence. They realise that they are in a phase of dependency. In essence, how they feel depends on how others feel about them and how their parents felt or feel. What people will say permeates them and dictates their emotions.
At this first stage, they recognise their identity, which is directly related to the role given to them by their family.
Thus, they answer from the deepest layers of their existence questions such as: “How do I relate to myself?”, “How do I relate to others?”, “Why do I have these people close to me?”, “Why do I practice this profession?”, “What are my talents, my positive callings and my abilities?”.
At this stage, self-awareness happens rapidly and the pieces of the puzzle come together at a fast pace. At this stage, I consider it essential for someone to come into contact with the unbearable pain they have been hiding from themselves for so many years, to express it and to give it meaning.
Here the symptoms stop tormenting the person; the somatised pain has been expressed and released. In order to move on to the next stage, it is important to start taking responsibility for one's desires into one's own hands.
At the first station, I consider the existence of a strong therapeutic relationship to be essential, along with the support of psychotherapeutic techniques and methods that touch the deepest layers of our existence. The processing of traumas takes place at the client's own pace within the safe framework of individual or group psychotherapy.
Second Station: Connect-Connect (Relationship With Others)
At the second station, they experience their desire with greater clarity, they feel moved when connecting with people because they have connected with their authentic self in a new, emotional way.
They express their desires by speaking through their emotions rather than simply describing them. This enables them to receive care without feeling guilty. They can connect with people without conditions of love and reciprocal contracts.
And slowly, they fill up with human support and care—something they had never felt before! They experience emotional independence from others and negotiate a normal, fertile, and mature interdependence.
Thus they build their psychological resilience and create a close support network around them.
Being able to ask people without guilt and fear, and being able to endure the disappointment of rejection as an integral part of the human experience, is the stepping stone they will use to move on to the next station.
At the second station, within the framework of individual psychotherapy, group psychotherapy, and couples therapy, the client consolidates the fruits of the first stage and begins to generalise satisfying relationships—which tend towards equality—outside the therapeutic setting.
Third Station: Triumph-Triumph (Relationship With The Whole World!)
Here, only those with deeper motivations to get to know themselves continue; symptoms no longer exist and are no longer a motivation for personal search.
At the third station, a person trusts life completely and accepts its rhythms, its complexity, its simplicity; they feel more secure than ever, despite realising that life is mostly unpredictable events.
They stand courageously in the face of life's ultimate truths, such as death, and are ready to live because they know what it is to die… They have learned to say YES to life and its challenges.
They negotiate within themselves their political, religious, and spiritual stance, and process more abstract concepts such as love, solidarity, morality, freedom, and God. They negotiate their relationship with the entire planet and nature, now with a clear motivation.
They are ready to define their own vision for their life and to pursue it alongside others, because an authentic vision is always connected to other people. Their clear motivation, stemming from their deepest core, is known to them with their whole being—body and soul—and this awareness makes them effective.
They know what they want and can fully experience both pain and pleasure!
At the third stage, having done all the inner work with oneself and then with others, a person seeks tools that will help them organise and design their own personal vision, from which they draw meaning. They will encounter these tools in methodologies such as coaching, mentoring, and training in various life skills.
Examples include energy, time, and information management, how to learn, how to create habits and routines that will bring the results they need, how to learn to create, set goals, and offer value to the community, and finally how to follow a healthy lifestyle by utilising breathing techniques, exercise, nutrition, and sleep.
And finally, how to be more conscious in everyday life (mindfulness) and enjoy it moment by moment!
Organised into these three stages, you will also find the articles on this page.
I know that whether I meet you at some point or not, to some extent we will have travelled together… I hope my work through this website accompanies you as a loyal fellow traveller, to help you find answers, motivation, outlets for whatever is troubling you, and to move forward charting your own journey, seeing your destination more clearly!
I believe that whoever truly feels the desire to encounter who they are, then sooner or later (even though they may change many paths, books, teachers, therapists, and pass through the three stages many times), at some point the unknown that was always known to them will be revealed…
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