(When you have done “everything” to achieve something you yearn for, but it does not happen and it is not due to your limiting beliefs)
You can very easily access techniques and strategies regarding the achievement of your goals. The internet makes it easier than ever to be able to listen to online advice and tactics to achieve anything you desire. But what happens when, even though you apply all of these, you do not get the result you want? You wonder: “What else should I do?”, “What is wrong?” , “I am tired of trying!”. I believe you will have heard that if something you desire is not happening in your life, then your limiting belief about it is to blame! For example, if you want to make money easily without struggling and deep down you hold a belief that money comes with hard work, then a conflict is created inside you between your desire and your belief. So, if you hire a life coach or attend a self-improvement seminar, your limiting belief will be “diagnosed” and its origin will be detected to some extent. You are very likely to realise that this belief comes from the words of your parents, who used to tell you: “money comes with hard work and sacrifices”. After this realisation, you roll up your sleeves and start a bunch of techniques against your “harmful” belief. For example, you write out the opposite positive belief for endless hours, make affirmations in the mirror, or try to keep a journal of events that prove the opposite. All of these are good, and I mean that, but I believe they are effective only to a degree. I am not against these techniques and this approach in general, but my desire is to help you take it even further. And to understand what I mean observe the diagram below, which I will then explain to you and give you a real example from the therapeutic process.
To explain, at the center of the concentric circles lies the first circle, which concerns the first three years of life during which the human brain is particularly plastic and where our deepest impressions are formed. It records the primary trauma which may have to do with rejection, abandonment, or devaluation, and an existential foundation is created. In other words, the foundations are structured for the totality of answers to the question: how do I exist in the world with myself?; If there is no corrective experience to act as a remedy regarding the primary trauma, then we move on to deeper unconscious decisions about life which become established between three and six years of age. If, for example, the primary trauma has to do with abandonment, then the deep impression is “I do not deserve the love of others”; in the second stage, this is established as an increasingly powerful unconscious decision, which in the next stage is expressed through beliefs and life scenarios. Specifically, a set of attitudes towards oneself, others, and the world as a whole that faithfully and unshakeably serve the now-established belief that "I do not deserve the love of others". The essence of the diagram is to make you aware of the deep unconscious roots that a belief may have. To realize that trying with techniques like the ones I have mentioned is like pruning a tree when your need is to uproot it.
I will refer to the example of a client who, although he had tried through knowledge read in books and self-improvement seminars to change his beliefs about money and how to generally accept good in his life, could not grow not only in his finances but also in other levels of his personal life. When in therapy he began to peel back “the onion of his existence”, he realised that although he is an only child, he experienced immense guilt for his six siblings who had died near birth before he was even born. His parents, after so many losses and the accompanying pain, welcomed him as the prince-surviving son. In the dives into his unconscious that he made during his therapy, he discovered that the guilt he experienced every time he came close to his desire to take from life preexisted his birth! It was as if they were waiting for him at the threshold of the womb, following him throughout his life and reminding him that he had no right to life, and that when he claimed it, it was as if he were abandoning his six siblings. Of course, if those six losses had been fully processed emotionally at the time by his adult parents, the client would not be carrying any burden that would prevent him from feeling the joy of taking from life.
I understand that it is demanding, difficult and inaccessible for someone to reach the deepest layers of themselves, but do not lose hope when you have tried to change yourself and your daily routine for the better, because there is always a deeper layer waiting there for you to approach it at the right moment. Keep peeling the onion of your existence, layer by layer, and I am sure that if you maintain and expand this consistency towards yourself, at some point you will reach more and more core pieces and then perhaps things will begin to change… radically…