The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus stated very simply that everything around us changes. He even said that no man ever steps in the same river twice. You can step into the same river, but the water is never the same. Could the same be happening to our relationships? Could the same be happening to our family?;
Human relationships are a living organism and they change just as the events around us change. They change as our personality develops. A common reason why people argue in marriage is simply because one of them has personally developed much faster than their partner.
Life is full of changes. The family dynamic, for example, is never the same when a new member arrives. A child is born, and then the priorities as well as the habits of the family members change. Like all systems, the family must assimilate this change and evolve. A rigid system is not effective. We could say the same applies to reeds, which must be flexible enough not to break when the wind blows, yet firm enough to stand upright. Relationships are somewhat like that. They must have strong foundations while also being characterized by flexibility. We could argue that the harmonious combination of these two is the recipe for well-being in a relationship.
Changes often happen, such as when a child starts going to school. For certain hours they will be away from home, and that is a change. Another change occurs when the child enters the adolescent stage, as they interact even more with groups and people outside the home and family, shaping new behaviours to which the family must show flexibility and assimilate. Then the teenager will begin to have their first romantic relationships, yet another change. Let's assume, then, that the teenager finally finishes school and goes to university. If the university is in another city, then this distance is another significant change for both the family and the teenager. As we can see life is full of changes. But are we ready to embrace them? To welcome them?;
It is very important for a person to receive a very basic message from their own family: that life is full of changes and that these changes must be welcomed with a positive attitude and enthusiasm, worked through, and that we should grow «larger» through them. It is very important for the family to convey the message that every change can harbour the seed of success, that it can make us stronger, and that it exists to help us improve in our relationships and in the roles we have taken on in life.
Often, when we listen to people's stories about their difficulties, we notice that the root of their hardships lies somewhere in a life change that they were not taught to handle with flexibility. An example is when, due to financial problems, a family is forced to move into a smaller house, or when a couple divorces and the children now have to face a new reality. Therefore, the more the family has provided the right stimuli to the children regarding these changes and has discussed with them so they understand what this change means for each family member's “world”, the more adaptable and resilient the children will be throughout the rest of their lives.