reading time approx. 3 minutes
We observe various social media platforms and pages promising to help you find your soulmate, or in other words your ideal partner, through filling out special forms and personality tests. We read articles on how within ten minutes you can find out how long your relationship will last. We see advertisements on how with 1-2 coaching sessions you will discover the values that bind you with your partner. The idea of a quick assessment and/or solution was and will be particularly attractive. But is it also feasible?;
Can you know within a few minutes who you are compatible with, with whom you have chances to live out the rest of your life?;
The reported compatibility constitutes a small part of factors that make a relationship last over time. Of course we all want to have the same values with our partner, the same interests, common hobbies and the same goals in life, such as for example creating a family.
How long, however, can a relationship last over time when there are (only?) common interests and values? Are they enough? Is something extra also needed?;
Studies have shown that there is no difference in objective compatibility between couples who are happy and couples who are not happy. More specifically, happy couples state that their happiness is based on themselves, who made the relationship work and flourish, and not on the compatibility of their characteristics. On the other hand, unhappy couples prioritize compatibility, considering it very important. Nevertheless, compatibility in itself does not constitute a source of satisfaction and joy within the romantic relationship. Essentially, couples who are not satisfied with their relationship blame incompatibility. We hear them say: "Well, we never matched, you liked adventures and I liked comedies, you liked the sofa and I liked going out…". Their difficulty is observed in understanding that the reason to stay in the relationship stems from deeper causes, which motivate them and increase their desire to want to stay in the relationship.
Being “compatible’ with your partner at the level of values, interests, habits, pursuits, is only a part of the “glue” that connects you with your partner.
Can psychology answer these questions: Is there a “soulmate”? If yes, how do I recognise it?;