Then our “hero” meets a girl… whom he likes and they start a relationship. For some reason, however, she is critical towards him and constantly insults him. This is the period when he starts grinding his teeth in his sleep, this is the period when systematic headaches begin and muscle tension increases from his temporomandibular joints throughout his neck. As long as anger does not pass through his mouth, his body will scream.
It is common to observe in psychotherapy all these symptoms coming to protect a person where their mouth and speech cannot protect them. The body knows, it knows when we are in danger. A strong headache is very effective, it speaks: “Get out of there, you are in danger! These people are violating you and I will shout it out for you, as long as you don't shout at them!” With such a headache you can't even go visiting, you want to lock yourself at home and lie down in the dark. Far away from them… Only that calms you down. Sick, yet protected! It is also effective in another way, telling you: “I make you suffer so whoever truly cares about you will come close to you to take care of you, so with me you also get care! And select care at that! I both protect you and take care of you, as long as you don't offer these to yourself I will be here tormenting you.”
Humbly, I believe that the therapy lies back in time, in that little child we were and have inside us, whose expression had been punished. If this child's anger had a mouth it would tell him: “A situation that threatens you gave birth to me inside you and I am here to help you understand it, to mobilise you to protect your body and soul, listen to me, dress me in words and make them a shield against the one who abuses you, give these words the appropriate tone and intensity until you are safe, I will be here wide awake, do not choke me within your guts, and if speech does not protect you then I will grow even stronger and move your body, I will come out through your hands… I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, day and night, you just need to listen to me”.
Anger would also have a few words for the child's parent, right at the moment it crushes their existence: “Hello, I am your child's anger, please listen to me, now that I am speaking to you quietly, now that no one is pressing me to scream, listen to me… I am here to protect the child you love so much, now I am getting to know it and building a relationship with it, do not punish me! Do not force me inside its tender little body, help your child understand what has violated it and tell you, express it to you, stay with me. Listen to me for as long as it takes. I know it is difficult for you because you too do not listen to your anger, for whole years you did not listen to it except now that you can express it safely, sacrificing your tenderness at the altar of <> upbringing. Only now do you listen to it, think when you won't be with your child, when you depart from life, who will protect it?”