In today's modern era, we are daily recipients of unlimited information and are called upon to make numerous decisions. Some of these are considered easier and relate to our everyday lives, such as what food to cook today. Others are more difficult and complex, such as choosing the best school for our child. The process and course of decision-making are of crucial importance. Someone even wrote that effective people decide quickly and stick to their decisions, whereas ineffective people take a long time to decide and, once they do, easily change their minds.
Do we learn how to decide? How do I teach my child to make decisions?;
The answer is simple: by making decisions! Actions and behaviours in our adult lives stem from practice, learning, and habituation in similar actions and behaviours from our childhood onwards. For example, when a child takes the initiative and learns to decide which trousers to wear, the green or the light blue ones, as well as what the consequences of this choice will be, then perhaps years later they will be able to decide which educational programme is best for them, and later still, decide and conclude whether collaborating with a specific colleague is likely to be profitable for the business they own.
Does your child decide what clothes to wear? Do they have a say in their appearance? Do they have a say in other «small» decisions regarding matters that directly concern them throughout their day?;
Does the child have «room» to make decisions?;
For example, your son comes home from school and anxiously asks you what to do about a girl he met! Often we hear things like: «well, listen to me...» or «let me tell you how things are in this case...». The underlying message is this: you don't know—I know, you will never know—I will always know. In this case, then, what the child learns is that they do not know and that the only one who knows is the parent. This message is recorded and carried over into adult life, where they will seek out people who will «know for them»! Only for that time to come when someone hears (even from parents) «Well, really, don't you have a say in this relationship? She does whatever she wants with you! And you want to go ahead and get married?».
Does your child have the freedom to think and decide on satisfying their own needs? Are they free to make mistakes and learn from them?;
So, are we providing the right environment for the child?;
How many actually sit down to truly listen to their child and tune into their feelings before speaking? How many of us genuinely listen to the person next to us, not just until we understand what is happening to them, but until they feel they have been understood!
What should I do?;
The only thing I can decide for you is not to make decisions for your child. How about saying to them, «Tell me what has happened so I can understand you better» or «How do you feel about what is happening»? Repeat back what you have heard and ask them: «Do you feel that I have understood you?» «Have I understood correctly?» Explore the range of options they have together with them and ponder the potential consequences alongside them.
In the event that they insist on getting an answer, then: «What can I tell you, I don't know... what do you think you should do?»