Often, when you face problems in your relationship and share them with friends and acquaintances, you receive a lot of advice. But which of these are actually beneficial for your relationship? Are there some that will not help you if you follow them, or might even destroy your relationship?;
Is the love of your friends enough to help you thrive within your relationship? Is the advice they give you “tailored” to your own life and personality?;
When people give advice, it is usually what they reproduce from their family or social myths.
Below I list a few:
If there is love, everything else works out.
Love is not enough. In most marriages (especially after the arrival of a baby), people stop stroking each other, having “great” sex, having fun, and pursuing adventures. Relationships tend to become endless to-do lists. It is beneficial to create (or maintain) these parts of a relationship as a priority.
Talking to your partner about past emotional wounds will only make the relationship worse.
In psychotherapy, one recognises that the past is never dead. Often, it is a major, soul-destroying obstacle to living in the present. It is possible to process past emotional traumatic experiences. You cannot change the past, but you can change your memory of it. Sharing traumatic experiences brings partners closer, and slowly awareness builds: ’my beloved partner carries all their experiences within them, and every day I don't just connect and interact with them, but with all of those as well!“ (see article: partner-therapist).
The best relationships are those in which people are most independent and least “indebted” to one another.
Interdependence is the definition of a relationship. People in a relationship try to satisfy each other's needs. When one is in pain, the other listens. As long as the basic and deeper needs of the partners are met within the relationship, the relationship prospers and grows.
If you do not communicate with your partner, then that is a sign that they are not your “soulmate”.
What is certain is that if you do not work on your communication, the relationship will deteriorate over time, just like an unwatered garden will dry out. All relationships require work.
If a relationship needs therapy, it is already too late.
It is estimated that one in ten divorcing couples visit a counsellor or psychotherapist. Nowadays, couples therapy is very effective and can “save” a relationship. Even in cases where the couple divorces, their subsequent relationship (a relationship still exists after separation/divorce, especially if a family with children has been created) is much more satisfying.
Couples argue most about sex, money, and children.
These battles stem from failed bids to connect emotionally. In those moments, it is important to turn towards each other and face their deeper unmet needs.
All conflicts can be resolved.
Quite the opposite. In fact, the vast majority of relationship conflicts are perpetual (they keep repeating), so what is required is the acceptance of each other's personality differences. The goal, therefore, is managing conflicts, not resolving them.
All conflicts in a relationship are the same.
Some conflicts are very “hot”, and compromise can be very difficult. It is important to understand your non-negotiable boundaries when it comes to conflict. What are you willing to stop? What are you willing to accept?;
Conflict is a sign that you are in a bad relationship.
Conflict is inevitable in all relationships. Furthermore, conflict happens for a reason: to improve our understanding of our partner. Conflict usually arises from missed communication attempts, especially when one person is trying to get emotionally closer to the other. Conflict also stems from differences in expectations between partners. It is worth talking about.
Ζώντας μόνος με περιστασιακές σχέσεις είναι μια επιλογή τρόπου ζωής που είναι ισοδύναμη από την άποψη των αποτελεσμάτων της ζωής με το να παντρευτείς.
Η κοινωνική επιδημιολογία έχει δείξει ότι – παντού στον πλανήτη – οι άνθρωποι που ζουν μόνοι πεθαίνουν νωρίτερα, είναι λιγότερο υγιείς, είναι λιγότερο πλούσιοι και αναρρώνουν από ασθένεια πιο αργά από τους ανθρώπους που είναι παντρεμένοι. Αυτό ισχύει ιδιαίτερα για τους άνδρες, οι οποίοι έχουν πολύ χειρότερα δίκτυα κοινωνικής υποστήριξης από ό, τι οι γυναίκες. Όταν οι άνδρες βρίσκονται σε δεσμευμένη σχέση, τα κοινωνικά τους δίκτυα αυξάνονται.
Ο γάμος είναι απλά ένα συμβόλαιο.
Τα ψυχολογικά οφέλη και τα οφέλη στην υγεία της έγγαμης ζωής είναι τεράστια. Μετά από 50 χρόνια κοινωνικής επιδημιολογίας, διαπιστώθηκε ότι στις ανεπτυγμένες χώρες η μεγαλύτερη πηγή υγείας, πλούτου, μακροζωίας και απόλυτης ευημερίας των παιδιών είναι ένας ικανοποιητικός και υγιής γάμος.
Είναι τα ταυτόσημα στοιχεία (οι ομοιότητες) που κάνουν τις σχέσεις να λειτουργούν.
Είναι η ποικιλία που κάνει τις σχέσεις ενδιαφέρουσες. Είναι τα συμπληρωματικά στοιχεία εκείνα που τροφοδοτούν την σχέση. Δεν ψάχνουμε για τους κλώνους μας. Η διάσημη μελέτη του Claus Wedekind δείχνει ότι οι φερορμόνες που βρίσκουμε πιο σέξι είναι από άτομα που είναι περισσότερο γενετικά διαφορετικά από εμάς. Στιγμές όπου αναδεικνύονται τα συμπληρωματικά στοιχεία είναι όταν, κατά την διάρκεια μιας διαφωνίας, ακούγονται φράσεις όπως: “Αυτό είναι ενδιαφέρον, πες μου περισσότερα” ή “έχεις δίκιο και μπορεί να κάνω λάθος” ή “πολύ καλή ιδέα δεν την είχα σκεφτεί εγώ!”.
Έχετε συναντήσει αυτούς του μύθους; Πώς θα ήταν οι σχέσεις σας εάν τους καταρρίπτατε;