Η self-regulation is an integral part of both psychotherapy and personal development in general. As we journey towards discovering ourselves and coping with life's challenges, the ability to self-correct, recognise our impulses and guide our actions based on our values and goals is a fundamental tool. Within the context of psychotherapy, self-regulation allows the client to develop a deeper awareness of themselves, recognise factors that influence their behaviour and equip themselves with resources to constructively and beneficially impact life's challenges. Within the broader perspective of personal development, self-regulation it enables us to shape our lives with the aim of achieving deeper levels of balance, satisfaction and a sense of happiness. By seeking self-regulation, we pave the way for achieving personal growth and authenticity, which form the basis of a more mindful life.
Did you know that:
- People who have high levels of self-control have more stable relationships, greater job satisfaction and healthy lifestyle habits. 82% of them report that self-regulation significantly helps in achieving their personal goals. (Duckworth, A. L., & Seligman, M. E. (2005). Self-discipline outdoes IQ in predicting academic performance of adolescents. Psychological Science, 16(12), 939-944)
- Professional leaders who demonstrate strong self-regulation are more likely to engage in creative practices and innovation. Those who report having good self-regulation show a 25% increase in their ability to identify new opportunities. (Baumeister, R. F., Vohs, K. D., & Tice, D. M. (2018). The Strength Model of Self-Regulation and Ego Depletion: Theory and Research. In Advances in Experimental Social Psychology (Vol. 54, pp. 67-127). Academic Press.)
- According to data from the American Psychological Association, the lack of self-control and self-regulation is associated with increased levels of stress and depressive symptoms. People with low levels of self-control are more vulnerable to negative consequences for their psychological and physical health. (Baumeister, R. F., Heatherton, T. F., & Tice, D. M. (1994). Losing Control: How and Why People Fail at Self-Regulation. Academic Press.)
Self-regulation is a steadfast companion during the process of deep identity transformation, whether this occurs through psychotherapy or while achieving long-term goals.
In psychotherapy, a key therapeutic goal is self-regulation which, as it develops, encourages the client to explore deeper and deeper parts of themselves, recognise factors that shape their behaviour and react in a more constructive way. More generally, in personal development, self-regulation guides the path towards goals, facilitating the management of challenges and the shaping of more conscious choices.
Overall, self-regulation proves to be an integral part of evolution, shaping profound identity changes through empowerment, self-exploration and awareness.
In the process of personal transformation (referring to deeper changes concerning identity) and the achievement of long-term goals, we face reality which in itself is a challenge since we cannot escape from it and it has much to teach us. The lessons are multi-layered, coloured with the uncertain, the accidental and the unpredictable. Within reality, progress is often neither immediate nor pleasant. The path towards identity change or the achievement of long-term goals may require taking action that is not always pleasant or comfortable. We may need to face challenges, push our limits and postpone immediate gratification for greater fulfilment in the future. The ability to put aside (for now!) the comfort of the present to achieve long-term goals is crucial for personal growth, proving that this process is often a conscious choice between comfort and growth.
From this perspective, how can one not reward all those who attempt “difficult” communications in important relationships, who defy fears (of abandonment, rejection, criticism...) and, once they realise their desire and what their heart has wanted to say for years but has not dared, take the next step.
It is wonderful to be able to voice one's anger to one's parents 100% whilst also expressing what one is grateful to them for, we are talking about authenticity on all levels, about the “goods” and the “bads”. It is also admirable as a parent, having developed self-awareness and understood how one has oneself contributed to the psychological burden of one's child, to ask for forgiveness or even to set the boundaries that were never set because the closeness nurtured with the child also emotionally nurtured oneself. I admire parents who, in the position of the client, decide to cut the umbilical cord that was never cut even though this hurts them deep inside. The lyric just popped into my head: “whatever is worthwhile hurts and is difficult”. I feel that the lyricist refers to those moments when, in order to achieve something better (a better romantic relationship, a better parent-child relationship, professional growth, the desired self, etc.), we go through personal hell. After all, every time something new is “born”, we experience the pain of childbirth.
When I decided to change my career path and start from scratch by studying psychology, I had many difficult things to do (sub-goals, entrance exams, studying subjects that did not interest me, jobs I did not want to do and many others) that I did not like at all but I had to see them as a bridge that would lead me to my vision. Difficult bridges, but now that I have walked across them and repeatedly postponed immediate gratification, I feel deeply grateful to my past self and am planning the next ones.
So what do we do when the time comes for life to ask us to develop our self-regulation?;
Self-compassion
Self-compassion, as the ability to treat oneself with understanding, love and acceptance, proves to be an essential factor in the process of self-regulation and self-control. On this journey towards personal growth, self-compassion acts as the necessary antidote to the harshness we might subject ourselves to. By acknowledging our difficulties without condemning ourselves, we can create an environment where self-improvement is not a fear, but an opportunity for growth.
Self-compassion acts as a driving force that pushes us to continue despite inevitable flaws and failures. It allows oneself to recognise their worth, regardless of the challenges they face. Combined with and fuelling self-regulation and self-control, self-compassion creates a strong foundation by encouraging growth, self-awareness and the achievement of our goals with empowerment and renewal.
Να θυμάσαι:
Μπορείς να δώσεις στον εαυτό σου το δικαίωμα να μην μπορεί… ( το κενό το συμπληρώνεις εσύ, πχ να μην μπορεί να πάρει την προαγωγή σε 6 μήνες αλλά σε ένα χρόνο). Η πρόσκληση μου αυτή αγγίζει ένα τεράστιο κομμάτι για το πόσο παρεξηγημένη είναι η αυτοφροντίδα, την οποία δυστυχώς η κοινωνία την ταυτίζει με τον εγωισμό. Είναι ανθρώπινο να είσαι κουρασμένος, να μην τα κάνεις όλα σωστά και όσο συμπονάς τον εαυτό σου τόσο περισσότερη ενέργεια θα έχεις να συνδεθείς φροντιστικά και με τους άλλους.
Νόημα και αξίες
Το νόημα και οι αξίες διαδραματίζουν ζωτικό ρόλο στην αυτορρύθμιση και τον αυτοέλεγχο, αναδεικνύοντας τον στόχο και τον δρόμο προς την επίτευξή τους. Η συνειδητοποίηση του γιατί κάποιος επιθυμεί να αλλάξει ή να αναπτυχθεί, βασίζεται στην ενσωμάτωση των προσωπικών αξιών και του νοήματος στη διαδικασία. Ανακαλύπτοντας τον βαθύτερο σκοπό και την ευαισθησία των αξιών, η αυτορρύθμιση γίνεται πιο συνειδητή και εμπνευσμένη.
Οι αξίες λειτουργούν ως οδηγός κατά τη λήψη αποφάσεων και την αντιμετώπιση προκλήσεων. Καθορίζουν τα όρια και τα όρια που θέτουμε για τον εαυτό μας και τους άλλους. Όταν η αυτορρύθμιση συμβαδίζει με τις αξίες, δημιουργείται συνέπεια και αυθεντικότητα στις ενέργειες μας.
Το νόημα εμπλουτίζει την αυτορρυθμιστική διαδικασία με σημασία και επίγνωση του τελικού στόχου. Η κατανόηση του λόγου που αξίζει η προσπάθεια, αναζωογονεί την αυτό-ενθάρρυνση και ενισχύει την αντοχή στις δυσκολίες.
Να θυμάσαι:
Τις “δύσκολες στιγμές” που, για να περάσεις στο επόμενο βήμα πρέπει να κάνεις κάτι το οποίο δεν σου είναι ευχάριστο, αναρωτήσου για ποιο λόγο θέλεις να το κάνεις. Είναι πολύ πιθανό οι λόγοι να είναι πολλοί και όσο περισσότεροι, τόσο καλύτερα για σένα. Για παράδειγμα, αν ζητήσεις αύξηση από τον διευθυντή αυτό μπορεί να σημαίνει για σένα περισσότερα χρήματα, ότι θα μπορείς να κάνεις το χόμπι που σου αρέσει, ότι θα ξεκαθαρίσει το τοπίο σχετικά με το αν τελικά σε ικανοποιεί αυτή η εργασία ή όχι, θα αποκτήσεις περισσότερη αυτοπεποίθηση, θα νιώσεις όμορφα με τον εαυτό σου που φρόντισες μια του ανάγκη και πολλά άλλα. Ίσως, όμως μέσα σε αυτά να είναι και το πιο σπουδαίο, ότι θα είσαι εκείνη/ εκείνος που θέλεις να είσαι. Εξερευνήσαμε μαζί την ουσιώδη συνύπαρξη της αυτορρύθμισης, της αυτό-συμπόνιας και των προσωπικών αξιών στη διαδικασία της ατομικής ανάπτυξης. Καθώς αναζητούμε βαθιές αλλαγές ταυτότητας και την επίτευξη μακροπρόθεσμων στόχων, αντιμετωπίζουμε προκλήσεις που απαιτούν αυτό-ελεγκτικές δεξιότητες. Η αυτορρύθμιση προάγει την ικανότητα αυτονόμησης και αυτοέλεγχου, συντονίζοντας τις προσπάθειές μας προς την αυτοβελτίωση. Επίσης, η αυτοσυμπόνια αναδεικνύει τη σημασία της αγάπης και κατανόησης προς τον εαυτό μας, ενισχύοντας την ανθεκτικότητα και την αυτό-αναγνώριση. Ενώ οι αξίες μας καθοδηγούν στον δρόμο των προσωπικών μεταμορφώσεων, το νόημα προσδίδει βάθος και στόχο στην πορεία. Από κοινού, αυτορρύθμιση, αυτοσυμπόνια, αξίες και νόημα δημιουργούν τη βάση για ένα πιο συνειδητό, αυθεντικό και εμβαθυμένο ταξίδι προς την προσωπική ανάπτυξη και επίτευξη στόχων.