Many people start therapy expecting an «explosion» of joy or a spectacular revelation that will change everything overnight. However, real therapy isn't always grand words and tears. Often, progress in therapy is hidden in small, almost silent daily changes that show your system is finally beginning to settle and make sense.
Therapy doesn't mean «I no longer have problems». It means changing the way your body and mind react to them. Let's look at the 5 signs that prove your nervous system is regaining its balance — the most essential signs that therapy is paying off.
1. Tolerance to Discomfort: From «Freezing» to Mindful Action
Η procrastination is often misinterpreted as laziness or a lack of organisation. In reality, it is a sophisticated defense mechanism. When we face a task that causes us anxiety, fear of failure, or perfectionism, our brain (specifically the amygdala) perceives it as a threat. The system's reaction is the «freeze response»: the body immobilises to avoid danger, and avoiding the task offers an instantaneous, yet deceptive, relief.
«Short-term Mood Repair»
According to research by Fuschia Sirois (2023), procrastination is the prioritisation of immediate emotional relief over long-term goals. When we procrastinate, we «repair» our mood in the moment by avoiding discomfort. However, this creates a vicious circle: the task remains pending, anxiety builds up, and the next time we face it, the threat will seem even greater.
The Sign of Therapy: Broadening the Window of Tolerance
When therapy is working, it doesn't mean discomfort disappears. It means the Window of Tolerance of your nervous system broadens.
- Before therapy: The slightest discomfort threw you off balance, leading to a breakdown or avoidance.
- With therapy: You acquire the ability to «sit» with the discomfort. You notice the tightness in your stomach or the fear, but you do not let those signals stop your action.
The Transition to Functionality
Η progress in therapy is seen in small victories:
- The difficult phone call: You don't wait to feel a sense of «readiness» or «self-confidence» first. You do it while feeling the tremble in your voice.
- Tidying up space: You can tidy your desk even though you are in a state of exhaustion, because your system no longer interprets fatigue as a signal of absolute danger.
The Scientific Foundation
Sirois highlights that self-compassion is the key to breaking this cycle. Therapy helps you replace self-criticism («why am I falling into procrastination;?») with understanding («my system feels threatened right now»). This shift reduces the intensity of stress, allowing the prefrontal cortex (the logical part of the brain) to take back control.
Conclusion: The lesser procrastination is the practical proof that the nervous system has learned to regulate itself. It is the transition from survival (avoidance) to active life (engagement), even when conditions are not ideal.
If you want to delve deeper, here I explain how the procrastination is often not “laziness”, but an indicator of our relationship with choices and the losses they bring:
Decisiveness: a matter of readiness or taking risks? (procrastination as a quality of the relationship with oneself)
2. The Return of Vital Energy: From Survival to Vitality
When the nervous system is in a state of chronic pressure or trauma, our energy is consumed in internal survival processes. What we often experience as fatigue, apathy, or «psychological numbness» is not a lack of strength, but the result of a functional «brake». The body chooses to «shutdown» to protect itself from overload.
The «Brake» and Polyvagal Theory
According to the neurobiological approach, when the system senses continuous danger, the dorsal vagal system is activated, which causes a state of low energy and disconnection. Therapy helps to gradually «lift» this brake. The progress in therapy is not necessarily seen in the ability to run a marathon, but in the appearance of spontaneous vitality.
Behavioural Activation: Action as Medicine
Scientific research by Cuijpers, van Straten, & Warmerdam (2007) highlights the value of Behavioural Activation (Behavioral Activation). The central idea is that mood does not improve by waiting to feel better in order to act, but by acting in order to feel better.
- The trap: When we feel low energy, we withdraw. Withdrawal reduces positive stimuli from the environment, which intensifies emotional fatigue.
- The solution: Therapy helps you introduce small, manageable activities that reconnect the brain with the reward system. This «movement» gradually rebuilds the «fuel» within you.
Creating «Capacity»
One of the most important signs that therapy is paying off is the increase in system capacity.
- Before therapy: Every new stimulus or obligation felt like a mountain. The system was «full» of survival anxiety.
- With therapy: As you learn to regulate your anxiety, space is freed up.
Conclusion: The return of vital energy is practical proof that the nervous system has shifted from a «survival state» to a «thriving state».
3. The «Uncomfortable» Boundaries: Choosing Self-Care over Acceptance
There is a widespread myth that setting boundaries is an act that immediately fills you with strength and peace. In reality, for a person who is used to overriding their needs to please others, boundaries feel like a threat at first.
The «Fawning» Trap (Yielding as Survival)
For many people, the lack of boundaries is not a character flaw, but a survival strategy (known as fawning). The nervous system learned that the safest way to avoid conflict or abandonment is to be «helpful», «good» and «easygoing». When you begin to set boundaries, you break this old safety contract. Your brain sends a danger signal, which you experience as intense guilt.
Assertiveness as a Skill, Not a Talent
Research by Speed, Goldstein, & Goldfried (2018) brings Assertiveness Training back to the forefront. Assertiveness assertiveness is not aggression; it is the ability to communicate your needs and your «nos» with clarity and respect.
- The finding: The assertiveness is directly linked to self-esteem. Every time you stick to a boundary, you are sending a message to yourself: «My needs matter».
«Therapeutic» Guilt
If you say «no» and feel like you are «betraying» the other person, but nevertheless stay firm in your position, then your therapy is progressing spectacularly. This ’uncomfortable« feeling is proof that you are reconstructing your values. You stop taking on the role of the »firefighter« of others» needs and become the architect of your own life.
The boundaries are not walls to keep others out, but gates that only allow in what respects us.
4. The «Gap» Before Reaction: Mastering the Internal Pause
Η irritability is often the result of an «overloaded» nervous system. Imagine your system like a container: when it is already full of anxiety, trauma or fatigue, even the smallest drop (a comment, a traffic delay) makes it overflow. This «overflow» manifests as anger, a sharp reply or inner turmoil.
The Neurobiology of the «Fire»
When we are in a state of dysregulation, the amygdala (the brain's fear centre) takes the reins before the rational prefrontal cortex has time to assess the situation, an «amygdala hijack». Therapy acts as a «cooling» mechanism for the system.
Mindfulness as a Regulator
The recent meta-analysis by O’Dean et al. (2025) confirms that mindfulness is not just a relaxation technique, but a powerful tool for restructuring our automatic reactions.
The Victory of Regulation
This second of pausing is perhaps the greatest victory in therapy, because it constitutes the ultimate proof of inner safety. When the nervous system is regulated, you no longer feel the need to defend yourself against everything.
Conclusion: The lesser irritability does not mean the absence of emotion. It means you have more mastery over your reactions. The «gap» is the space where a calmer and more conscious side of you blossoms.
Through this article you will learn even more about self-regulation:
Are you holding the steering wheel of your life? Self-regulation (self-control), why and how to achieve it
5. The Desire for Real Connection: Social Engagement as an Indicator of Inner Safety
Often, psychological pain leads us to isolation. The nervous system, in its effort to protect us from further pain or rejection, triggers withdrawal. Isolation in this case is not a choice, but a survival «shelter». The sign that therapy is working is the moment when the walls of this shelter begin to recede, giving way to the need for reconnection.
Connection as a Biological Need (Not a Luxury)
The research by Julianne Holt-Lunstad (2024) brings to light shocking data: the κοινωνική σύνδεση δεν είναι απλώς «κάτι καλό που συμβαίνει», αλλά ένας κρίσιμος παράγοντας για τη μακροζωία και τη σωματική μας υγεία.
Από την Επιφανειακή Επαφή στην Ευαλωτότητα
Η progress in therapy δεν φαίνεται στο πόσο «γεμάτη» ή «κοινωνική» μοιάζει η καθημερινότητα, αλλά στην ποιότητα της σύνδεσης που επιζητάς.
Conclusion: Η επιθυμία για πραγματική σύνδεση είναι η επιστροφή στην ανθρώπινη φύση μας. Είναι η δήλωση του οργανισμού σου ότι: «Είμαι ξανά ασφαλής για να με δουν, να με ακούσουν και να ανήκω».
“Έχω κάτι σημαντικό να πω αλλά κάθε φορά που έχω την ευκαιρία το αποφεύγω — τι να κάνω;”
Όταν δεν φαίνονται (ακόμα) αυτά τα σημάδια
Μην απογοητευτείς αν δεν τα βλέπεις συχνά. Πολύ συχνά χρειάζεται περισσότερος χρόνος απ’ όσο προσδοκάται — ειδικά όταν το σύστημα έχει μάθει χρόνια να επιβιώνει με άμυνες.
Και κάτι ακόμα: η progress in therapy είναι μη γραμμική. Μπορεί να υπάρχει μια εβδομάδα καλύτερη και μετά ένα “πισωγύρισμα”. Δεν είναι αποτυχία. Είναι ο τρόπος που το nervous system μαθαίνει νέα ρύθμιση μέσα σε πραγματικές συνθήκες.
Στην ReConnecT συζητάμε συχνά και κάτι πρακτικό: όταν υπάρχει αίσθηση στασιμότητας για μεγάλο διάστημα, βοηθά να μπει ξανά καθαρά το ερώτημα «τι μετράμε ως πρόοδο;» και να γίνουν μικρές, συγκεκριμένες συμφωνίες μέσα στη θεραπεία.
What to take away today
- Η θεραπεία δεν είναι «τέλεια ζωή», είναι διαφορετική σχέση με τη ζωή.
- Η progress in therapy φαίνεται συχνά σε μικρά πράγματα: δράση, κίνηση, boundaries, ψυχραιμία, sign in.
- Η ενοχή στα boundaries δεν σημαίνει λάθος· συχνά σημαίνει καινούρια δεξιότητα.
- Το “κενό” πριν αντιδράσεις είναι ένδειξη ρύθμισης.
- Η sign in δεν είναι ποσότητα· είναι ασφαλής ποιοτική επαφή.
I would love to read your message… I make sure to read all messages and reply to as many as I can.
Φίλιππος Γκέκης • Ψυχολόγος • εμπνευστής και συντονιστής της ομάδας θεραπευτών ReConnecT
References
- Sirois, F. M. (2023). Procrastination and Stress: A Conceptual Review of Why Context Matters. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 20(6), 5031.
- Cuijpers, P., van Straten, A., & Warmerdam, L. (2007). Behavioral activation treatments of depression: A meta-analysis. Clinical Psychology Review, 27(3), 318–326.
- Speed, B. C., Goldstein, B. L., & Goldfried, M. R. (2018). Assertiveness Training: A Forgotten Evidence-Based Treatment. Clinical Psychology: Science and Practice, 25(1).
- O’Dean, S. M., Summerell, E., Harmon-Jones, E., Creswell, J. D., & Denson, T. F. (2025). The associations and effects of mindfulness on anger and aggression: A meta-analytic review. Clinical Psychology Review, 118, 102584.
- Holt-Lunstad, J. (2024). Social connection as a critical factor for mental and physical health: evidence, trends, challenges, and future implications. World Psychiatry, 23(3), 312–332.