Maria grew up with strict rules, heavily suppressed her emotions, and never learned to listen to them. After all, how could she have learned if her parents always knew how she felt and never allowed her to tune into her own emotions?; It is what we often hear: «You don't know, so let me tell you how you feel». Maria had a parent hovering over her who gave her no space to feel her emotions and decided for her how she felt. We might hear phrases like «Maria, you're cold, go put on your cardigan» or «Maria, you are not going to be upset right now. It was just a game and you lost». Typical examples that indicate the complete lack of space for a child to develop psycho-emotionally.
When the parent decides whether the child is cold or warm, then the child will not learn to tune into their feelings and know for themselves when they are cold or warm, and thus make their own decision on how to handle the situation. Similarly, our friend Maria, at 28, found herself in a relationship where for a long time she has been feeling a heavy burden on her shoulders and an intense negative sensation in her chest area, «a tightness in the chest» as she describes it. Perhaps these are feelings from situations she hasn't processed and which have accumulated, perhaps they are situations she didn't evaluate as serious because it was always important in her life for others to be satisfied rather than herself. With a little support and a good listener, Maria discovered that her partner makes decisions for her and her own needs, but of course, even though it has crossed her mind, it is very difficult for her to manage. We could compare this to asking a 50-year-old right-handed person to learn to write with their left hand! The biggest obstacle is the feeling of guilt which, every time she asserts something for herself, pulls her back, holds her down, and essentially tells her, «How dare you claim something for yourself!»
Do you say «yes» more often than you would like? When you want to talk about something that is bothering you, do you feel a lump in your throat? Do you feel like you are missing out on the other colors of the rainbow?;